Envy

This story began on the seventh anniversary of the August coup, which ruined the lives of many of our fellow citizens. And my seventh anniversary brought me either a broken life or a new life, to tell the truth, I still don’t understand. An interesting point, it’s so difficult to write using the masculine gender now; it’s been a long, long time since anyone addressed me as “he.” Now I'm a "she". It all started with old newspapers, which I was instructed to burn by friends of our family, with whom we were vacationing in the country. There were a lot of newspapers, but I slowly burned them, sometimes reading articles or amusing myself by looking at cartoons. It was getting towards evening, when an article with the headline “In the KGB

they sewed up more than just business” caught my eye, I can’t remember what kind of newspaper it was, time has erased its name from my memory and has not spared the newspaper sheet itself, which now lies next to me. Worn at the folds until unreadable with torn edges, it was the one that changed my life so much. The words from this article burned a simple truth into my brain: gender can be changed. At 18 years old, this was a revelation greater than any other. The very idea of ​​gender reassignment affected me so much that I could no longer dream of anything else. At this age I began to masturbate, you understand what kind of things haunted me in my thoughts. Just the thought of myself as a girl, the way I dress and put on makeup, caused great excitement. What can I say: even when I saw a movie or read a book where a character changed gender, I got excited and identified myself with this character.

Time passed. School days dragged on, I grew up slowly, living in my dreams. Then my cousin moved in with us. I carried her tights when she was not at home, wore them under my pants when I went for a walk outside. It so happened that I tore some. And he immediately told her about it. I was lucky that there was no one at home except her and me. Of course, she scolded me, but then she dressed me up in her clothes, lightly put on my makeup and said: “You would make a great chick!”, and sent me to the bathroom. After that, we didn’t remember this episode.

I had a girlfriend at school, but we only dated for a short time. I closed myself off for a while, but I wasn’t sad about it. My dreams were with me! Towards the end of my studies I had the opportunity to play teachers at school parties. Then I grew my hair long. Thick, dark, ponytailed or loose, they were the envy of some girls in our class.

At 18 I had my first homosexual experience. Together with a school friend (and he was also the keeper of the props from our holidays) we were at home, playing CS against bots, and made a small bet that the one who gets fewer frags out of 10 rounds will fulfill the winner’s wish. “Contra” was not my strong point, I played very poorly, losing with a score of 95-39, I fulfilled my wish. He wanted me to dress in one of the women's suits that he wore at the last evening. We immediately agreed that it didn’t mean anything, just a desire. He wanted to be in the company of a girl for several hours, even if the girl was not real.

I’ll say right away that my role was a success. And the suit was beautiful. I was wearing black tights, about 70 den, black sandals, a black mini dress. The breasts were represented by a bra with bags of cotton wool inserted into them.

— The impression is that my girlfriend and I are going out somewhere. - He said zipping up his dress.

— Yes, dear,” I answered, getting used to the role. “I just have to put on my makeup.”

I knew how to do makeup a little. It turned out well. Although the pink lip gloss didn't look good with the black dress, that's what he wanted. We had a good evening. He looked after me, poured wine, open about my transformation. We went out onto the balcony to smoke a cigarette. It was already evening, the sun was setting. He gave me a thin cigarette to light.

- You act like a real girl. - he said and there was a slight excitement in his voice.

— I specifically watched the girls’ manners in order to perform well on stage. — I smiled at him.

- I remember you told me. - he answered.

— I’ll go get some wine. — I nodded to him and remained on the balcony.

He ​​soon returned and put his arm around my waist. His hot breath next to my ear brought to me “How cool you are, Anya.” My heart rejoiced. I turned around and lightly kissed his lips. I felt how excited he was as he pressed himself closer to me.

- What do you want? — I whispered to him, barely audible.

- Caress me sometime.

— Blowjob? - He bit me on the earlobe.

We burst into the apartment from the balcony. I threw him onto the bed. She pulled down her pants. He was left in only his shorts. Stopped me.

- Listen, should we do this?

— I don’t know. - I whispered hotly. “But I really want it.” Don't you?

I saw his erect penis under his shorts. It was clear how hot and strong he was.

— Take it.

I took off his underwear. His penis, freed from the restraining tissue, straightened out. He was handsome and straight. I touched the head with my lips.

- It’s ticklish. - I just smiled in response.

The feeling of the velvet head on the tongue was incomparable. His smooth, velvety flesh filled my mouth completely. I licked, kissed, sucked the penis, tried to swallow it deeper. The lack of experience had to be compensated with naked enthusiasm. He was excited and so was I. Only one thing was spinning in my head: “I’m like a real girl.” This could not last long, five minutes at most. My friend finished profusely, I tried to pull away from surprise, but he held me with his hand. I swallowed everything. Then she licked his penis and lay down next to him. We decided to end the evening quickly, after finishing the wine, I undressed and went home.

We didn’t see each other for several days, and when we finally met, he simply said:

- It’s better for us not to communicate. Too many memories.

- Yes, you're right. — I answered after a minute of thinking. - Let's assume that nothing happened.

We didn’t communicate anymore.

After finishing school and starting college, something changed in me. I began to treat my dreams as an obsession. I suppressed it with willpower. And I was lucky.

At the beginning of my second year, I sat alone on a bench wet from the rain in the park and drank beer, which I often did in front of couples that were not interesting to me. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. Gray autumn morning, bright leaves on the paths of the park, the taste of warm beer on the lips. And then she sat down next to me. Lisa. The most beautiful girl in our stream. A sort of touch-me-not with a slight touch of wealth. She doesn't say anything to me, she just takes the jar from my hands. Takes a big sip. Winces.

- Warm. How do you drink it?

— It has to be done through force. I still have one, closed, in a bag here.

- Thank you, I don’t need any more.

- You're welcome.

We were silent for quite a while.

- Tell me, do you have a girlfriend?

This turn took me by surprise. Not knowing what was the best answer, he told the truth.

- No.

- Then you will date me.

Luck itself fell into my hands. The girl, for whom the entire male half of our group, as well as the male half of all other courses and groups, were crazy, simply said that I would date her. I thought this only happens in movies. But life is the best playwright.

What then began! Our relationship was full of madness. At first our meetings were bland, we were silent for a long time, walking next to each other or holding hands. Many people didn’t believe that we were serious about this, and I didn’t believe it myself. It was later that I found out that she started dating me to spite her ex-boyfriend. And she succeeded. A couple of times he tried to take her away from me, but with the help of my classmates who supported me, problems were avoided. As I already wrote, it was like madness. After the insipid beginning there was a sweet climax. We were always in place and having sex like doggies. As soon as she looked at me with her languid gaze, I could not help myself. At such moments, we quickly retired, I put my hand under her skirt or under the waistband of my jeans, under my panties (already quite wet), and caressed her. How she moaned! When I entered her, slid in her, I shook. From her moans I became more and more excited, sometimes it seemed that I was completely dissolved in her. Several times I almost came inside her. Each time this was accompanied by a slight scandal, which excited us again. We deliberately did this without a condom to feel the risk.

Time flew by completely unnoticed. As it was in that song: “When I tore myself away from her skin, spring was blooming in Paris.” With her, I forgot to think about my past dreams and fantasies. Naturally, I didn’t tell her anything. I felt so at ease. I thought everything was over for me. The childish stupidity had passed, and now it seemed to me that a new page in my life had begun. But here it’s worth saying one more thing: our relationship with Lisa was the most powerful feeling in my life. I enjoyed her, every breath she took, the soft texture of her skin and the golden hairs on her. But I told myself honestly that I didn’t love her. There was emotional attachment, a feeling of unity, of course, but there was no love. At first she didn’t love me either, but then I realized that her attitude towards me began to change. We spent a crazy 9 months together, including the summer between courses.

And at the end of the hot summer, my fate made an unimaginable leap to the side.

We lay on a rumpled bed, still hot from recent passion. The sun filled the room with gold, in short it was a pleasant evening. I stroked her tender belly with my palm, and she smoked a thin cigarette.

- You know, I need to leave. - she said looking at the ceiling. — Mom was admitted to a hospital in Europe, I should be with her.

- I understand. But can't anyone else go to her? — I asked a completely stupid question.

- You know my relatives.

- I know. — I wouldn’t trust them to guard the cesspool; they would drag everything away. - That's why you'll go.

- Yes. My father will go with me, but he will be there for a week. He needs to be on duty. The rest of the time I will be there with my mother.

- With mom, there?

- Fool, stop joking.

- Sorry.

She elbowed me in the ribs. I responded in kind. We had sex again. I didn’t go to the airport to see her off.

A couple of weeks later at the institute, activists from my course contacted us.

- We need volunteers! — the slightly overweight girl with glasses said briskly. — We are going to stage a play written by Marina.

A girl came forward, also wearing glasses and with pimples slightly covered with foundation.

— The play, as always, is about love. - she began. — The action takes place in the Middle Ages, then moves to modern times. The heroes are the same. Their love seems to go through time. She talked about the play for about 7 minutes, but it didn’t arouse much enthusiasm. Some interest and surprise arose when Marina said:

- The main role of the young lady must be played by a young man.

Everyone laughed for a while. My friend, sitting next to me, poked me with his elbow:

- This role is just for you. You said that you have a lot of experience playing teachers.

— Come on, that’s enough. - I said with a smile. “My girlfriend won’t understand me.”

He ​​also smiled, stood up and said loudly that I am a master at playing female roles. You could say I was appointed to this role with a general roar of approval.

- Well, thank you, infection. - I hissed to my friend.

A few days later, I was invited to a fitting. The costumes were made by junior year girls. First, they made costumes for the main characters, since there were several costumes.

- You have a good figure. - said one of the seamstresses. — The dress will look great on you. It’s a pity that you didn’t...

- Not who?

— Don’t pay attention. - she answered and plunged into work.

It's time for rehearsals. My partner was Alexey, a guy who was seriously involved in sports and was not deprived of some acting talent. Rehearsals went well, we had a lot of fun. Either starting to improvise, or bringing what is happening on stage to the point of absurdity. There were moments in the script where we had to demonstrate feelings, but these moments were avoided during general rehearsals.

— Boys,” Olesya, the director of the production, told us. — we will rehearse your scenes separately so that you do not get embarrassed. Tomorrow evening is just for you.

We nodded in agreement. Alexey looked a little beat up after the rehearsal.

— How will we play tomorrow? - I'm a little embarrassed.

I was amused by the sight of a huge, embarrassed guy.

— Play as you feel. — I patted him on the shoulder. - It's just a theater.

He ​​nodded.

The next day, the two of us stood on stage, the director and costume designers were sitting in the hall. This was a rehearsal in costumes. My dress was beautiful. White with a full skirt and corset, all with bows and frills. They built a grandiose hairstyle on top of my hair. His suit was masculine. Have you seen the old movie "Conan"? you can imagine what he looked like. The girls from the production team salivated just when they looked at his torso. Here I decided to play as sensually as possible. In those moments when we stood next to each other or he held my hand, or when there was a different time period on stage and he led me in dance, I surrendered to him like a girl.

After the rehearsal, the girls in the auditorium sat flushed.

- You are good. - the director just said.

- You played well today. - I told Alexey.

He ​​simply nodded, said a short goodbye and went home.

The time before the premiere flew by. It turned out that Alexey can sing and play the guitar very well.

Before going on stage on the day of the premiere, we stood next to each other, you could see how worried he was.

I told him again:

- Play as you feel. It's just a theater.

He ​​looked at me, his gaze made me shiver.

- Let's play.

Actions on stage took their course. We changed costumes, situations of the era. Things went swimmingly. But when, in the scene where Alexey sings a song to a beautiful lady, that is, to me, I looked at him, I saw his eyes. There was fire in them. Passion. He sang, and I saw that he was here on stage at that moment, he was not playing. There is not an ounce of theater in his words. Something clicked in my head. My whole life swam before my eyes. Again I saw my dreams, which became like reality, I am a girl and here a man with the body of Apollo confesses his love to me through a song. I was shaking right on stage. There was no more will. I completely surrendered to the passion that flared up between us at that moment completely. I wasn't playing at that moment. I gave in to the feeling completely. I don’t remember how the play went on, I don’t remember what I said.

- It was given to me to remember everything that happened between us. - He stood very close to me.

— For me these are just visions.

- I remember all the years and eras spent with you, I remember them only because you were next to me. - He looks me straight in the eyes. - If I wait, will you come to me?

- I’ll come.

- No matter what time and place we met, I will tell you one thing: I still love you.

Heat went through my body, he took my hands.

- I love you, Julia Chambers.

Silence fell in the hall, my heart beat faster.

- How do you feel about me here and now? - he finished.

- Do you... Do you want to know? — I answered after a pause, he nodded. - Close your eyes.

When he closed his eyes, I kissed him. Strong, strong, strong, strong. I drank in his lips, when our tongues met, lightning ran between us. My body was shaking. We didn't notice the curtain fall. A flurry of applause brought us back to reality, and we bowed three times. The last scene was completely improvised, but no one understood this except the director.

After listening to the praise from the troupe addressed to me, I went to the dressing room to change clothes. It was decided to put the stage and everything else in order tomorrow, fortunately it was a day off, but in the meantime everyone was going

to the party on the occasion of the premiere.

When I arrived, he was already waiting for me in the dressing room. There was the same fire in the eyes. I understood everything. Alexey stood next to him and licked his dry lips.

— I really love you...” he paused, not knowing whether to say my name.

At that moment I decided everything.

- Kira. - I prompted him. - My name is Kira.

- Kira. - He pronounced this name in a whisper.

We merged in a long kiss. Yielding to impulse, I began to take off his shirt. He was breathing heavily, I stroked his muscular torso, tension was felt in every cell of his body, the smell of a hot body made my head spin. Я целовала его тело, спускаясь ниже, он только шептал «Кира, Кира», я недолго боролась с ремнем. Его член был тверд и горяч, слегка изогнут. На головке сверкала капелька его смазки. Я слегка встряхнула его, чтобы капелька упала мне на лицо. После я одной рукой начала гладить его яички, другой ласкать его. Алексей застонал. Помучив его немного, я начала облизывать его. В этот раз минет у меня получился лучше: теперь я знала, как нравится мaльчикам. Когда мне показалось, что он на пределе, я отстранилась от него. Встала и подошла к маленькому диванчику. Алексей понял меня без лишних слов. Я положила руки на спинку, и оказалась перед ним в коленно-локтевой. Именно так я хотела лишиться девственности.

— Будь аккуратен.

— Да.

Он спустил с меня трусики и провел языком по моей дырочке. От прикосновения я взвизгнула. В ту минуту мое тело просило его член. Я выгибалась, подставляя себя.

Не знаю чем, он смазал меня кроме своей слюны. Мы не смогли потом вспомнить.

Но тогда это было неважно. Когда его горячая головка коснулась моего сжатого колечка, я задрожала.

— Быстрее, быстрее..

Его головка поборов сопротивление вошла в меня. В момент, когда я почувствовала плотное, горячее тело в себе, я поняла что такое счастье. Тело натянулось как струна, страсть переполняла меня.

— Назови меня по имени и войди.

Член начал погружаться в меня, сходя с ума от эмоций, сквозь пелену чувств я услышала далекий далекий зов:

— Кира, девочка моя.

— Не отпускай меня, — стонала я в ответ. — Бери меня мой мужчина.

Он полностью вошел в меня. Мне было больно, не буду скрывать. Но я понимала, что лишаться девственности всегда больно. Его член был см 17 длинной, я чувствовала, как он весь во мне пульсирует. Какая боль могла бы беспокоить меня в тот момент? Я вся принадлежала своему мужчине. Он входил и выходил из меня. Я чувствовала, как его яички касались меня, когда он входил полностью. Не знаю сколько он имел меня. Когда он заканчивал, он хотел выйти и отстраниться.

— Нет, мой милый, закончи в меня. Сделай меня своей.

Он закончил в меня. Потом помог закончить мне. Я посмотрела на него глазами полными любви. А в голове себе дала обещание научиться заканчивать самой, только от его ласк.

После премьеры моя жизнь резко изменилась. Я должна была решить главную проблему.

Лиза. Он вернулась и конечно сразу потащила меня в постель. Как ни старался, я не мог закончить и эрекция моя была совсем слабой.

Она поинтересовалась, что случилось. Я не смогла больше сдерживаться. Я все ей рассказала, как рассказываю сейчас вам. Мы плакали вместе. Я понимала, что делала ей больно, но не могла больше врать себе. Я была девушкой. Это давало мне счастье возможность проявлять свою сексуальность и удовлетворять свои желания.

— Сейчас я смотрю на тебя по-другому. — она убрала волосы с моего лица. — Мы займемся тобой, из тебя выйдет отличная девушка.

— Но, Лиз, тебе зачем это?

— Глупая, я люблю тебя, неужели я смогу остаться в стороне?

Я промолчала.

— Как теперь зовут мою новую сестренку?

— Кира.

Лиза подмигнула мне.

Скоро мой путь закончится и начнется новая дорога. И я надеюсь, Алексей будет рядом со мной.

Пока шло мое превращение, мы встречались редко, по настоянию Лизы. Она имела с ним долгий разговор в один из дней.

Вы спросите, что с моими родственниками? Встреча с ними состоялась, когда у меня уже была грудь. От гормонов она выросла не сильно и мне сделали силиконовую грудь 3 размера. Отец отказался пустить меня на порог. Мама все поняла, хотя сначала ей было тяжело со мной разговаривать. Двоюродная сестра подарила мне чулки с пояском.

— Ты и правда, классная тёлочка. — даря их сказала она.

Вот такая моя история. Я почему-то краснею, когда пишу ее и вывожу эти строки в тетради.

Но только одного я не могу понять, почему когда мы идем по улице и Алексей ведет меня под руку, а Лиза идет рядом с своим новым парнем, в ее глазах я вижу не тоску как в первые несколько месяцев после моего признания, а только зависть с легким налетом жалости?

Конец.

P. S. Рассказ является полным вымыслом, напечатан за одни день и без редактуры отправлен, чтобы не утерять порыва.